Really though, can you blame anyone for becoming a totally different person after barely making it out of a painful and traumatic experience?. I’m almost certain whatever answer your mind is brewing is a rather subjective one, as there is no direct philosophical module for dealing with pain; every individual handles it differently.
I initially wanted to generalise this blog, but on a second thought, I’d rather be transparent with you guys, as writing this is really therapeutic for me. Truth is, I have been pained these last few weeks and inflicted with a type of sadness that even writing music (my most potent form of escape from reality) has not been able to pull me out of. What makes the strain most excruciating, is the fact that prior to these last few weeks were probably some of my most happiest times in quite a long time, as I got to meet someone really special who my soul bonded with, with little to no effort at all.
Yeah, I know, I know. It almost always has to be about a girl, right? Sigh! Well, she’s not just ‘another girl’, she’s the MOST beautiful thing, in every sense that is, and I’m hoping if she reads this, she holds on very tightly to this singular truth I’m spilling, as I say this with every ounce of honest gene in my Nigerian Ile-Ife DNA. LOL, I still try to be a bit funny even at my saddest.
All it took for me was hearing her laugh over a voice note she sent me via WhatsApp, and boom!!! I’m thinking to myself, “Oouu boy! You really are done for with this one, aren’t you?”. Plus, she was like really anti Game of Thrones, and I find anyone who doesn’t absolutely love GOT weird, but at the same time I love weird, so you see, she disoriented me real quick. LOL.
For the sake of privacy, I’m just gonna call this damsel, Sofo Maame, just because she was (for lack of a better word) indifferent about me calling her that. LOL. Anyways, getting back to the core message behind this rather ’emo’ write up, Sofo Maame had been through a rather traumatic relationship, where she was verbally abused, constantly cheated on, stripped of her self-worth, taken for granted and body shamed. After about a decade of being with the person who caused her this pain, she finally summoned the courage to exit the derailing and devastating relationship.
The pain of the break up got to her so much so that she had to seek guidance from a therapist, ditch social media and detach from her phone and social life completely, in order to move past the hurt that didn’t cease to tear her up from the inside. Eventually, Sofo Maame moved past the experience, but then… did she really move past the experience?.
Fastforward, over a year later, I’m laying in bed liking weird stuff on Instagram before retiring to bed that night, when I get a message from… you know who. Being a health enthusiast, she apparently saw my handle somewhere and decided to ask me a few questions. We spoke, there was a vibe, we became friends, and then more than friends. Y’all get the picture, don’t you? Gerrarahere if you don’t, you’re probably underage. LOL.
Anyways, we developed feelings for each other along the way, eventually both professed love to each other, and just as the love flight was about taking off, the skeletons from the closet of her past decided it was time to make a revealing and rear their ugly heads. Sofo Maame began getting skeptical about our future together, as she thought there were many odds against it and wondered if history was bound to repeat itself.
All attempts on my part to show her my intentions were genuine, and that regardless of what the odds were, we could tilt them in our favour proved futile, as the PREJUDICE formed in her mind by her past PAIN lingered and has left her in a perpetual state of fear and uncertainty. Sadly, at this point, the fate of our relationship is a mystery to me, and as much as all the cytoplasms in my Yoruba blood cells want to be with Sofo Maame, her happiness is my utmost priority, and I truly hope she finds herself on her journey of self-discovery.
In my opinion however, as humans with vulnerability, it’s just a lot easier staying where we are. You know… that dark room, laying in that comfy couch (the comfort zone), shielding ourselves from the pain of reality. PS: I’m the biggest perpetrator of what I just lambasted. When in reality, exploring is really what we should live for; giving nature and or God (if you’re the religious type), a chance to prove that good still exists and true love is not a myth or illusion.
Based on my experience, should I form a negative prejudice as well, a viscous cycle that never ends would be birthed, and I believe nothing truly beautiful can come from such. I choose love, it might hurt so badly in the interim, but I’d risk it anyway. Thanks for hearing my heart. ♥